Palimpsest: work in progress, public for review. The reasons on the Tower pages are an invented test fixture. The reasons on the Pyrewood pages are the plans and summaries Project 2 wrote for that story. Where a version shows “Rationale unrecorded”, no reason was written down.
The Tower Over the Trees
Version 2 of 3 · first seen 2026-10-07 18:06
- Version 12026-10-07 11:57
first version - Version 22026-10-07 18:06
ai-tell, craft, editorial, overreach, registry, reuse, review, texture, voice, world - Version 32026-10-07 19:51
reuse, voice, world
Types of change in this version
11 recorded changes; 26 marked passages in the text, 14 of them with no recorded reason.
Click a type to show only those changes in the text.
What changed and why
TEST FIXTURE ONLY. Invented reasons to show every type of change. Tighten the opening, the voice, the sensory detail, and cut repeats. (edit)
voice change 1 (v2-c1) jump to the passage ↓
Test fixture. Percy's opening should sound like him.
was: Level thirteen since this morning, and by the time I sat down to write this I had died three times since lunch.
now: Level thirteen, and dead three times on Friday.
from review suggestion S1: Let the tower answer Mezzlos's warning (through-line). Why it might help: the best exchange in the journal gets an answer on the page where the tower finally comes close, and the fly-past carries a second feeling alongside the joke about the rock.
craft change 2 (v2-c2) jump to the passage ↓
Test fixture. The caption should add to the sentence.
was: The tower from the hillside, a few minutes after four.
now: The smudge had windows.
voice change 3 (v2-c3) jump to the passage ↓
Test fixture. Mezzlos does not use contractions.
was: [I don't like this place.]
now: [I do not like this place.]
from review suggestion S1: Let the tower answer Mezzlos's warning (through-line). Why it might help: the best exchange in the journal gets an answer on the page where the tower finally comes close, and the fly-past carries a second feeling alongside the joke about the rock.
texture change 4 (v2-c4) jump to the passage ↓
Test fixture. A plainer verb lets the murloc's return land harder.
was: took for a win right up to the moment it came back
now: counted a win until it came back
world change 5 (v2-c5) jump to the passage ↓
Test fixture. Shows the voidwalker reacting to the place, not just speaking in it.
now: Mezzlos had been studying the water for some time.
registry change 6 (v2-c6) jump to the passage ↓
Test fixture. The named quest givers belong in their registry entries, not in a list in the story.
was: he gave me a recipe for death
now: took on a few more errands
ai-tell change 7 (v2-c7) jump to the passage ↓
Test fixture. A stats readout sounds like a report, not a journal.
was: Tonight's tally: still level thirteen, with 10,954 of 11,400 experience
now: I keep a book for such evenings.
editorial change 8 (v2-c8, v2-c8b) jump to the passage ↓
Test fixture. The narrator announcing what he will say is editorialising.
was: I will say what I did next, because I am not ashamed of it.
now: I am not ashamed of what I did next.
reuse change 9 (v2-c9) jump to the passage ↓
Test fixture. A third picture of the same tower from nearly the same spot. Cut.
was: The tower again, from a fence.
from review suggestion S3: Let one caption add to the sentence before it (repetition). Why it might help: the caption then lands as a first telling, as the other four do, instead of an echo.
overreach change 10 (v2-c10) jump to the passage ↓
Test fixture. A kill count the journal had no way to know. Reversed.
was: Eight kills in five minutes.
review change 11 (v2-c11) jump to the passage ↓
Test fixture. A review round flagged the rock line as a joke already made in the caption.
was: We flew straight past the tower, near enough that I could have thrown a rock at it.
now: We flew straight past the tower.
from review suggestion S3: Let one caption add to the sentence before it (repetition). Why it might help: the caption then lands as a first telling, as the other four do, instead of an echo.
unlisted v2-u1 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
was: They'll
now: They will
unlisted v2-u2 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
was: wasn't
now: was not
unlisted v2-u3 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
was: back to wherever voidwalkers go
now: wherever voidwalkers go,
unlisted v2-u4 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
was: had to swim
now: swam
unlisted v2-u5 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
was: sitting
unlisted v2-u6 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
was: the whole way, watching me come. The swim back to my body.
now: watching me come the whole way. They watched all the way.
unlisted v2-u7 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
was: Then, for an hour of this afternoon, the forest simply
now: Then came an hour of the forest
unlisted v2-u8 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
was: scary!.
now: scary!
unlisted v2-u9 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
was: took a picture of
now: photographed
unlisted v2-u10 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
was: very
now: remarkably
unlisted v2-u11 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
was: The gibbet at the Sepulcher. [Picture description: Percy stands under a spiked iron gibbet hung with chains, with Mezzlos crouched near a barrel and a name tag for Karos Razok at the lower right.] Karos Razok, glasses an…
unlisted v2-u12 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
was: afternoon,
now: afternoon
unlisted v2-u13 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
was: Over the lake on the bat. [Picture description: A rider on a bat-winged mount flies over a misty lake toward a tall pale tower with a red spire, among dark pines.] Past the tower on the way out. [Picture description: A r…
unlisted v2-u14 jump to the passage ↓
Rationale unrecorded.
now: [Picture description: A rider on a bat-winged mount flies low through green pines, the tower rising behind the trees.]
When, and what prompted it
Plan of change written: 2026-10-07 (accepted 2026-10-07 17:00)
New version published: 2026-10-07 18:06
After-edit summary accepted 2026-10-07 18:15
Prompted by a review. MuncleReview, reviewed 2026-10-07, stage after-publication. review–percy-tower-over-the-trees–MuncleReview–2026-10-07__20261007-194923.md
After the edit
Objective met: yes
Suggestions for a future edit:
- Test fixture suggestion: look at the other pictures for repeats of the tower.
- Test fixture suggestion: check whether the two quest-giver names should link to their registry entries.
The text
Showing only ai-tell changes.
Showing only craft changes.
Showing only editorial changes.
Showing only overreach changes.
Showing only registry changes.
Showing only reuse changes.
Showing only review changes.
Showing only texture changes.
Showing only voice changes.
Showing only world changes.
Preview
The tower
Level thirteen since this morning, and by the time I sat down to write this I had died three times since lunch. I’ll get to the third. It’s the good one.thirteen, and dead three times on Friday. I shall discuss only the third. The first two happened in the dark, under the ground, and I have agreed with myself not to bring them up.↑1 next↓
from review suggestion S1: Let the tower answer Mezzlos's warning (through-line). Why it might help: the best exchange in the journal gets an answer on the page where the tower finally comes close, and the fly-past carries a second feeling alongside the joke about the rock.
thirteen since this morning, and by the time I sat down to write this I had died three times since lunch. I'll get to the third. It's the good one.
thirteen, and dead three times on Friday. I shall discuss only the third. The first two happened in the dark, under the ground, and I have agreed with myself not to bring them up.
I had seen the tower before. From Tirisfal, and again from Brill while I waited for the zeppelin, a thin spire in the Hillsbrad foothills behind Lordaeron. Dalaran, if I’m right, and I think I am. A smudge on the horizon. I wrote it down both times and thought no more about it.
Then I crossed into Silverpine this afternoon, topped a rise, and there it was between the pines, close enough to count the windows.
The tower from the hillside, a few minutes after four.smudge had windows.↑2 next↓ [Picture description: Percy and Mezzlos stand on a grassy hillside in a pine forest, with a tall pale tower topped by a red spire rising behind the trees.]
tower from the hillside, a few minutes after four.
smudge had windows.
“Mezzlos,” I said, “are you seeing this?”
My voidwalker turned his blank face to the tower. I don’tdo not↑3 next↓ like this place. A pause, and then, lower: Towers. Mages. They’llThey will want to bind me.
from review suggestion S1: Let the tower answer Mezzlos's warning (through-line). Why it might help: the best exchange in the journal gets an answer on the page where the tower finally comes close, and the fly-past carries a second feeling alongside the joke about the rock.
don't
do not
They'll
They will
I took that for agreement. I typed three words into the little stone I carry, wow! Dalaran! From Silverpine Forest, and decided I would walk there.
The lake
Lordamere Lake is where the plan went wrong.
A single Vile Fin murloc stood at the water’s edge. I walked into it, because that is how I find out what things are. It shrieked and ran, which I took for a win right up to the momentcounted a win until↑4 next↓ it came back with its friends.
took for a win right up to the moment
counted a win until
Mezzlos had been studying the water for some time. ↑5 next↓Water. There is no void in water.
Mezzlos had been studying the water for some time.
I sent him in anyway. I must feed. Then a Tidehunter and two Shredders were on me at once, and Mezzlos said, flat as a slate, I obey. I killed some of them. It wasn’twas not enough. I went down at sixteen minutes past four, and my voidwalker went back to wherever voidwalkers gowherever voidwalkers go, with a last I go.
wasn't
was not
back to wherever voidwalkers go
wherever voidwalkers go,
I got up as a ghost and had to swimswam for my body through the mist, with the murloc camp sitting on the far shore the whole way, watching me come.
had to swim
swam
sitting
the whole way, watching me come. The swim back to my body.
watching me come the whole way. They watched all the way.
They watched all the way. [Picture description: A pale ghost wades through grey water in a thick mist, with a ring of murloc huts on a low shore ahead and pines fading into the fog behind.]
Getting my own back
I will say what I did next, because I ↑8 next↓am not ashamed of it. I got my body, Iwhat I did next. I collected my body,↑8 next↓ called Mezzlos again (Why do you call?), and we went back along the shore. Two Shredders and two Tidehunters paid for the first round, and a few worgs who joined in paid as well. Eight kills in five minutes. ↑10 next↓Nobody wrote it down but me.
will say what I did next, because I
it. I got my body, I
what I did next. I collected my body,
Eight kills in five minutes.
Then, for an hour of this afternoon, the forest simplyThen came an hour of the forest being large and beautiful and full of werewolves.
Then, for an hour of this afternoon, the forest simply
Then came an hour of the forest
The tower again, from a fence. [Picture description: Percy and Mezzlos stand beside a wooden fence on a ridge, the pale tower and its spires visible in the distance over the treetops, with a Mottled Worg’s name tag below.]
from review suggestion S3: Let one caption add to the sentence before it (repetition). Why it might help: the caption then lands as a first telling, as the other four do, instead of an echo.
The tower again, from a fence. [Picture description: Percy and Mezzlos stand beside a wooden fence on a ridge, the pale tower and its spires visible in the distance over the treetops, with a Mottled Worg's name tag below…
Light through the pines. [Picture description: Percy and Mezzlos stand among green mounds with sunbeams breaking through tall pines behind them.]↑9 next↓
Werewolves abound, I wrote, and a minute later, The werewolves around here are scary!.scary! Something big had torn the bark off an old tree. I took a picture ofphotographed it with the air of a man documenting a crime scene.
scary!.
scary!
took a picture of
photographed
Something big did this. [Picture description: A huge splintered tree trunk fills the left of the frame, and far along its length on a ridge two small figures, Percy and Mezzlos, stand in hazy light.]
Something hungrier than me did this, said Mezzlos, and it did not sound like praise for the tree.
Then a Son of Arugal came out of the red leaves and ran straight at us.
It will be done. He stepped between us. Fur. Teeth. Fine.
Gulp. [Picture description: Percy and Mezzlos in a clearing of red leaves and tall grass, a Son of Arugal approaching from the trees beyond.]
I took the screenshot first. Then I ran.
The bat handler
I came out of the trees at the Sepulcher with my heart, such as it is, still going. A gibbet of chains and spikes loomed over the path, and beside it stood a bat handler called Karos Razok in a veryremarkably good pair of glasses.
very
remarkably
The gibbet at the Sepulcher. [Picture description: Percy stands under a spiked iron gibbet hung with chains, with Mezzlos crouched near a barrel and a name tag for Karos Razok at the lower right.]
The gibbet at the Sepulcher. [Picture description: Percy stands under a spiked iron gibbet hung with chains, with Mezzlos crouched near a barrel and a name tag for Karos Razok at the lower right.] Karos Razok, glasses an…
Karos Razok, glasses and all. [Picture description: Karos Razok, a bat handler with a staff, stands on a path between two grassy hills beside Percy and Mezzlos, with a quest list down the right.]
I had been looking for a way to Dalaran all afternoon,afternoon and found a different kind of door instead. I handed in a delivery to Apothecary Renferrel, and he gave me a recipe for death, which is six bear hearts and six lots of something that skitters. Podrig sent an order to Karos. I took a task from Allister about border crossings, and one from Dalar Dawnweaver to prove my worth against five Moonrage Whitescalps. Karos took Podrig’s order, and then sold meone delivery, took on a few more errands, and was sold↑6 next↓ a ride to the Undercity.
afternoon,
afternoon
a delivery to Apothecary Renferrel, and he gave me a recipe for death, which is six bear hearts and six lots of something that skitters. Podrig sent an order to Karos. I took a task from Allister about border crossings,…
one delivery, took on a few more errands, and was sold
Over the lake on the bat. [Picture description: A rider on a bat-winged mount flies over a misty lake toward a tall pale tower with a red spire, among dark pines.]
Over the lake on the bat. [Picture description: A rider on a bat-winged mount flies over a misty lake toward a tall pale tower with a red spire, among dark pines.] Past the tower on the way out. [Picture description: A r…
Past the tower on the way out. [Picture description: A rider on a bat-winged mount flies low through green pines, the tower rising behind the trees.]
I do not fly, said Mezzlos, as the bat took off. I will remember this.
We flew straight past the tower, near enough that I could have thrown a rock at it.tower.
from review suggestion S3: Let one caption add to the sentence before it (repetition). Why it might help: the caption then lands as a first telling, as the other four do, instead of an echo.
tower, near enough that I could have thrown a rock at it.
tower. Close enough to throw a rock at.
Close enough to throw a rock at.↑11 next↓ The bat did not slow down. [Picture description: A rider on a bat-winged mount flies low through green pines, the tower rising behind the trees.]
[Picture description: A rider on a bat-winged mount flies low through green pines, the tower rising behind the trees.]
The crate
The bat set us down in the Undercity, and the ride’s own errand was waiting. Gordon Wendham took my paperwork and gave me Gordon’s Crate to carry on to Michael Garrett. That is the next thing, tomorrow or whenever.
Tonight’s tally: still level thirteen, with 10,954 of 11,400 experience, so a short way from fourteen. Ninety-five silver and forty-nine copper. Three deaths, one of them to a lake.I keep a book for such evenings. Tonight’s entry says ninety-five silver and forty-nine copper, and most of a level still owing. I have underlined the silver.↑7
Tonight's tally: still level thirteen, with 10,954 of 11,400 experience, so a short way from fourteen. Ninety-five silver and forty-nine copper. Three deaths, one of them to a lake.
I keep a book for such evenings. Tonight's entry says ninety-five silver and forty-nine copper, and most of a level still owing. I have underlined the silver.
Dalaran will keep. It has waited behind the trees all this time and it will still be there when I’m fourteenth and braver.
Pictures
3 caption changed, 5 picture removed; 2 unchanged.
Pictures are matched by file name. A caption or description change keeps the same picture; a different file is a different picture.










